“Why Are They Shirtless in a Public Bathroom?!” | Online Dating Chronicles: Part 11

Hi Everyone!

Part 1: It Started One Night At A Bar Named ‘Darling’…

Part 2: The One Where Jen Swiped Right

Part 3: Play The Game, Playa

Part 4: Dipping My Toe In The Water

Part 5: How You Doin’?

Part 6: There’s Something Fishy Going On…

Part 7: Heeere, Fishy, Fishy, Fishy!!!

Part 8: Dobby Has No Master. Dobby Is A Free Elf!

Part 9: Who Am I? An Orphan Black Clone?

Part 10: Hi, I’d like one (man) to go, please!

Today, I’ll be sharing some of the funny thoughts I had while I was swiping and some of the funny bios I came across. My thoughts will be in italics so you can differentiate what I was thinking as I swiped.

Tinder & Bumble:

  • *has a picture of him flipping a pancake in the air*
    • Bio: The pancake landed on the floor…I’m basically useless but I’d date me
    • I was wondering if he caught it
  • Bio: I’m going to be straight up with you. I need to find someone to eat the other half of my pizzas.
    • He can’t eat a whole pizza by himself?
  • Bio: “Maybe one day someone will say ‘sir’ without adding ‘you’re making a scene”.
    • lol
  • *profile pic is of him taking a shirtless mirror selfie in a public bathroom…but he is wearing a scarf
    • I have so many questions for this guy: was he alone in the bathroom and decided to take off his shirt and take a mirror selfie, did he wait until he was alone in the bathroom to take the pic…why is he shirtless in a public bathroom? Why is he wearing a scarf? If he’s cold, he should put his shirt back on…
  • Occupation: Florist. Bio: They didn’t have firefighter so I put florist…we both put water on stuff so it made sense.
    • hahahha, that’s funny, but obviously Firefighter would be in the occupations list?
  • Bio: Am I the only guy who is not looking for a one night stand?! Two night stands are much more efficient!
    • hahahahha, this probably isn’t an original line, but that’s funny and so true…wait, I only have one night table in my room.
  • Occupation: Pilot. *profile pic is him in his uniform and a headset on*
    • He looks like Ed Burns! Why do all these pilots take a selfie in the cockpit? The doctors wouldn’t post a selfie in scrubs in the OR??
  • Bio: That’s not my kid…or my dog! Profile pics: him with a kid and a caption that says ‘not my kid’
    • Wow, he really wants the ladies to know that it’s not his kid. Does he think every girl will see his pics and be like: *swoons* “his profile pics have him with a dog AND a child…wow he’s sooooo sensitive!!!”
  • *swiping and sees that we have a mutual friend* Wow, I have a lot of mutual connections with these guys on Tinder and it’s just the one Facebook friend.
  • *shirtless selfie, but he’s wearing a parka*
    • What? Why???
  • Wow, he looks like a morph of Bradley Cooper and Chris Pine
  • *comes across a profile with two guys* Bio says they’re bi guys in an open relationship
    • wow, their skin is amazing…is that how it is or really good phone filter?
  • hehe, an Asian guy named Hans
  • Bio: long romantic walks to the fridge
    • lol.

On Plenty of Fish:

  • Headline: Am I what your looking for 🙂 ?
    • Ummm, no. You don’t know when to use you’re!!
  • Headline: You’re Ideal guy!
    • Is he saying I’m the ideal guy?? WHY DO SO MANY GUYS NOT KNOW WHEN TO USE YOU’RE VS. YOUR!
  • Education: High school. Profession: Enginner
    • how does that work? An Engineer whose highest level of education is high school?
  • Profile Pics: one of him in a car (I assume it’s him) and one pic of Joe Jonas
    • Why does he have pics of himself AND Joe Jonas?
  • Headline: Heey my name’s nemo & I’m not afraid to touch the butt
    • hahahahahaha!!!
  • *swiping* Oh, look, a shirtless mirror selfie where his head is cut off and it’s just torso! Why are there so many of these?
  • Single father has a mirror selfie with him and his daughter both wearing green face masks and bathrobes.
    • Awww! That’s so cute!! She’s holding a wristlet and her nails are painted too. I hope to find someone who will be like that when he becomes a father, but that’s just too much responsibility to date someone who already has a toddler.
  • Headline: Who wants to help me get off of here?
    • What? Oh, he should really rephrase that…

On OKCupid:

  • *sees guy from Tinder, but his name is different*
    • His name says Johnny…wasn’t it Vladimir on Tinder??* (names changed)

Final Thoughts on Profile Pics:

  • Why are there so many shirtless mirror selfies in public bathrooms?
  • I love a guy wearing sunglasses, but if you could do a close up pic showing your eyes, that would be great
  • If you’ve ever worn a suit or a button up shirt (optional: with a tie), then put that in your profile pics (unless the only pic you have is with an ex-girlfriend)

Don’t need a pic with your mom, grandma, niece/nephew or dog. Let us find out your sensitive side as we’re getting to know you. If you own a dog, it’s useful to know in case you don’t like dogs or are allergic, but if it’s not your dog, then why is the dog in your pic?

For children in your pics, you should ask parents’ permission when you post a pic of their child on social media…do they know you’re using their child as bait to get girls on Tinder? It’s not like girls are posting pics with their nieces/nephews (I’m assuming, I didn’t see girls’ profiles) and writing in their bio: “Not my kid” or “proud aunt”. There were quite a few guys who wrote “proud uncle” in their bio. Uhh, okay, it’s great when you’re close with your niece or nephew and we see that you’re good with kids, but do you need to write it in your bio?

Also, don’t really need a shirtless pic. Unless you’re at the beach or something where it makes sense why you’d be shirtless. When you take a shirtless gym/mirror selfie, it makes me think you’re trying to take attention away from your face…which could be why you have a shirtless pic. About half of the guys that had shirtless pics were attractive though, so maybe just proud of their eight pack.

In my last installment, I’ll share some advice on what pics to put in your profile and what types of things I look for when reading the bios.

If you have any questions or want to share your experience on dating apps, feel free to email me via the Contact Form or leave a comment below!

Love,

jen

*This blog series is not affiliated or associated with any of the online dating sites/apps mentioned. It is also not meant to discourage any person from using these sites. This was just something I thought would be a fun topic to write about and let you know about my experiences with online dating.
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